The majority of people who come to our Tantric Massage London Kensington clinic, both men and women, come on their own.
Sometimes they tell their partner, but the majority do not, because they feel their partner may object, feel jealous, feel insecure, or simply will not understand why they should come to us.
However, we are getting more and more brave couples who come together, as a couple, to enhance the sensual side of their relationship. I call them brave, because it does require courage for a woman to have her partner lie on a massage table, and be aroused to orgasm by another woman, even if that woman is a tantric masseuse. In the same way, it takes courage for a man to admit that he could improve his skills and be taught how to give more pleasure to his wife. And they are also brave because, rather than give up trying to work on their relationship,and come to us secretly, they come openly and united as a couple.
Once the initial step has been taken, and inhibitions and fears have been set aside, and the appointment has been made, couples do feel so many benefits. Here is an email we have received from a couple who visited us recently:
‘Eva and Celeste, I thought I should send a quick thank you for a wonderful time yesterday. Though we were nervous, both of you have an amazing gift and we really enjoyed the time we spent there. We have already started practising some of the techniques and even ended up making love the same evening…… Again thank you for a great time and it has already started making a difference…….’
We get many similar emails.
So what actually happens in a tantric massage couples tuition session ?
The sessions are completely tailored to suit each couple – they learn to give one another a tantric massage and get to try out new ideas and experiment with sensual touch.At the beginning, we have a short chat to find out exactly what the couple wants to learn, or whether they have any specific issues or questions.
Usually the woman is the first to receive the massage, while the man joins me in giving the massage. If he likes, he can watch for a little at the beginning and then gradually join me and I can demonstrate different types of techniques. We then swap over, with the man receiving the massage and the woman can join in at any stage. If the partners simply want to just observe the other receiving a massage, that is fine… or if they want a more hands on/lesson approach, where they are more involved, I can go over the strokes with them and make sure that they learn and understand the various techniques and what I do for each phase of the massage.
It is a very relaxed and open environment and couples often find it easier to articulate about what feels good to them and why in a setting with a ‘neutral person’, ie. someone outside of the relationship. Having a ‘neutral’ person there also helps positively with communication, and avoids saying things like ‘why didnt you tell me this before’….. we suggest ways of giving feedback in a positive manner – ie. saying ‘that feels really good’ or ‘ it feels nice this way’ rather than saying ‘that doesnt feel nice.’
Once we actually discover what feels pleasurable, its easy to communicate this to our partner….. the problem often is that people are not really aware of their feelings and sensations at a deeper level… they are so used to falling into old patterns of response, often in order to please their partner, that they lose touch with what really feels good to them. Over time, partners who have been together for years, fall into habits and limit themelves to taking about what has become acceptable or comfortable. It can be quite daunting and hard to instigate conversations about new approaches to intimacy. Partners dont want to hurt or offend or create resentment, suspicion, jealousy or insecurity.
During a tantric massage couples session, both partners are on an ‘even playing field.’ I make sure that there is an open and non-judgmental environment, so that everyone is as comfortable as possible giving/receiving and talking about the massage.
We encourage the partner who is receiving the massage to go deep within, and not feel the need to give feedback or talk at all whilst receiving the massage. Most sexual or sensual situations are focused on someone or something external from ourselves – be it visual, porn, emotional needs, or wanting to give and please. To completely surrender and learn to receive pleasure passively can enable us to actually feel what is going on in our own bodies and experience our inner sensuality at a much deeper level, discarding the usual thoughts of focusing on someone or something else.
A tantric massage or tuition session for couples can, in this way, contribute to an ongoing sensual journey together, and can provide a new platform for open discussion, communication and the practicing of a different and deeper level of intimacy.
Je t’aime, moi non plus – Serge Gainsbourg
The lyrics of this song were considered too controversial by the BBC when it came out in the sixties and it was banned. How times have changed!
(To listen to it, click on the link above,and turn on the volume on your computer )